i really don't know what to think anymore. thats really all i can say. its so hard. im having really hard time understand whats going on around me its so confusing and frustrating. i just want to bang my head a against a wall so i can stop feeling this way but i cant. i know this is all due to my depression and i can't deny it anymore. its eating away at me, its been eating away at me for so long. but know its finally catching up. i don't know what to say, how to act, i just keep forgetting all the time. im scared. i feel like im losing who i am. this sucks so fucking bad. just hope this doesn't last. i don't want to lose myself. i need to remember who i am so i can properly function in society again. i need to let go of everything in the past cause thats only going to hold me back from what i can do know. there's nothing i can do to change whats happend. this is so stupid, i can't believe how stupid i let myself become. i need to find a way out of this. i don't know how much longer i have. i never felt so alone in my life. these feelings i have are so overwhelming. i can't let it get to me. i need to let it all out.

i don't know whether to be angry, sad, confused, or just not care anymore.

uh well.

fuck my life....

fuck my life.

i've come to the point where i've realized that life is just so fucking stupid and goddamn gay that i would rather not care so fucking much about all the problems and shit that happens everyday. the stress is so not fucking worth it. i'd rather just live in the moment and enjoy myself before my time comes and i can say that i did what i fucking wanted.

the world can suck a dick.

i miss you. even if you don't hear or remember anymore...

i just don't want you to hate me for what i've become.

im so tired..

im so fucking tired. and i haven't even done anything remotely productive in weeks...

still no job. haven't done any artwork. and in a really terrible fucking mood.

at least i have carroll to look forward to.

...

life is worth living. i swear.

kiwi

we might get her.

that was the final bitch fit.

i've had enough of this shit for the last time.

im going to be happy. and im going to enjoy myself. even if it kills me.

fucking there. motherfucker.