im deteriorating. this is not fun.

my mind is in a constant state of confusion.

i want to be intelligent but im still doing this stupid shit.

i want to feel like im getting somewhere but in the back of my head i feel like im ignoring whats important.

if it really is important or just infatuation i don't know.

im so fucking furious at my stupidity. 

i want to punch myself in the head until my fist goes through it.

fffffffffffffffaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

.

i want to kill something very badly.

its a tug-o-war between good and evil, except for me its between manic depression and apathetic cynicism.


i wonder if i should stop trying to find the good person that i used to be, maybe he was never really there. maybe im just a good actor. well fuck me sideways.



happy sparkely shit day.

you're tired. go to bed.

and don't listen to your heart.

errr.

i had spaghetti for dinner.

i realized how much i fucking love spaghetti.

if spaghetti were a women we would have a noodle wedding and make meatball children that i'd eat.

its only half cannibalism.

.... 0_0

i just took a 20 minute jog and i feel like my legs are going to break in half.

pathetic.

today's gonna suck.

uncomfortable.

i really wish this would stop bothering me.

so i can get some sleep.

then dream about it...

.... what a dick.

so.

i kinda want my brain to start working again....

so i can be interesting for more than 2 minutes.