May 26, 2009

R.I.P. Phil Yu.. and good riddance.

so uhh.. if any of you have been facebooking lately, you might have seen an unfamiliar name pop up now and then. you might have thought," what? who the fuck is Houston Yu? i don't remember friending him! and why does he have all of Phil Yu's pictures? wait a minute, did he change his name!?" the answer: yes.  i did change my name. its not a joke either. i have seriously changed my name. why? its a very long and convoluted story. i guess one thing is that i've come to the realization that i HATE the name "Phillip." infact, i've always hated that name. it just always sounded awkward to me. first, the meaning of the name, Phillip, "boy who loves horses." now i have nothing against horses, they're a fine breed of animal,  but they are far from my favorite animal and personally are not deserving of my affection. it just doesn't make sense. and then, the PUNS. DEAR GOD AWFUL PUNS. "Phillycheesteak", "Philadelphia", "Phil YOU". if i had to shoot an infant for every time someone used one of those, i would have taken care of the Earth's overpopulation problem and then some. but really, more importantly, the reason why i changed my name was because of how i've lived life up to this point. to me, the name Phil Yu represents someone who has been mostly scared all his life, unable to think for himself, not having the will or the drive to do anything on his own, letting others determine what was best for him, and crumbling under any pressure put upon him.  Phil Yu is someone who prefers to stay sheltered by the protective barriers of his house, preferring to live a passive and mundane life sitting around, brooding and moaning about what could've and should've, all the while watching tv and stuffing his face with all things edible and heart attack enducing. Phil Yu is a guy who doesn't care about his future and lets time pass as opportunities present themselves and disappear, only waiting for the day that he just slumps over and he disappears. All and all, Phil Yu is a person that i've hated for the last 19 years, a person that i'm sick of being around, a person that i want nothing to do with anymore, and i don't feel like spending another year with this miserable CUNT. so thats why i did it. i know it might not seem significant or practical to some of you, but i find it a healthier alternative than hanging around my door way with a belt around my neck... so why the "Houston?"........................ I dont fuckin know. it sounds cool. shut up. 

May 7, 2009

here at the end of all things.

well, its good to be back home, i guess. im actually starting to feel a little better now. who knew not having a decent meal in weeks could do so much to you. still trying to work out my sleeping habits though. i went to bed at 5 last night... so all and all, im doing fine. it still feels so surreal to be out of stevenson. its hard to describe. its like i got so used to the monotony of getting up everyday, getting on the shuttle, and then going back and forth between classes and just feeling so mechanical and soulless. i guess after waiting for so long, i just gave up and turned my mind off cause i didn't see any end in sight. and when it did end, i was kinda shocked cause i wasn't expecting it. im not sure if i want to say much more than that. but i'll say im glad its finally over. i feel like i can put that time behind me now and just try to move on to better things. although not everything from stevenson was bad. i did get to meet some cool people who did care and helped me out a bunch. i just want to say thanks to all the friends that i made in class and to all the roommates that came and went for making this year a little bit more bearable for me. and thanks to the people who tolerated my constant brooding and complaining but were still nice to me even though i didn't deserve your kindness. good luck next year and maybe i'll see some of you again along the line. even though most of the year was pretty painful, i felt that i did grow up a little, whether becoming disillusioned and coming to realize the grim reality of the world is a sign of growing up or not. can't say i'd do it again though :P so.. on a different note, i need to wait for final grades to come out so i can send them to towson. i really hope i get in this time. also need a job. i hate being financially dependent. other than that, i got no plans for the summer. hit me up?