i miss you. even if you don't hear or remember anymore...

i just don't want you to hate me for what i've become.

im so tired..

im so fucking tired. and i haven't even done anything remotely productive in weeks...

still no job. haven't done any artwork. and in a really terrible fucking mood.

at least i have carroll to look forward to.

...

life is worth living. i swear.

kiwi

we might get her.

that was the final bitch fit.

i've had enough of this shit for the last time.

im going to be happy. and im going to enjoy myself. even if it kills me.

fucking there. motherfucker.

im deteriorating. this is not fun.

my mind is in a constant state of confusion.

i want to be intelligent but im still doing this stupid shit.

i want to feel like im getting somewhere but in the back of my head i feel like im ignoring whats important.

if it really is important or just infatuation i don't know.

im so fucking furious at my stupidity. 

i want to punch myself in the head until my fist goes through it.

fffffffffffffffaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

.

i want to kill something very badly.

its a tug-o-war between good and evil, except for me its between manic depression and apathetic cynicism.


i wonder if i should stop trying to find the good person that i used to be, maybe he was never really there. maybe im just a good actor. well fuck me sideways.



happy sparkely shit day.

you're tired. go to bed.

and don't listen to your heart.